Beatings, correction, and a true "princess mentality"

In my YouTube videos, I refer to 2020-2023 as my “Three Years of Torment”. This is the period of time where things were bad all around and this is the time I later realized was God’s way of correcting and beating me.

Back in November- December 2019, I experienced what I referred to as a “God-like”’presence within me. This presence came with a lot of temporary knowledge that I felt like I wasn’t supposed to have or ever learned. Because I had no idea why it was happening or who it was, I took this “energy” to be myself and my own capabilities. I took the glory for myself and became a self-proclaimed queen. I’ve even went as far as photoshopping pictures to fit and wearing it on my shirts… and there were a lot of shirts. People saw me wearing these shirts and of course didn’t know where it originated from. It just came off as arrogant and as someone used to call me, “conceited”.

Everything that I am doing now, I wanted to do back then. I just didn’t have any real experiences or knowledge as I do now. And it’s also worthy to note that the photoshops first started as profile pictures on Facebook and the first time I actually got a shirt made was for my 23rd birthday. For some reason, a lot of significant events happen around my birthday … as it’s coming up now (April 2026).

I was really out of pocket LOL

Shortly after having the confidence to do this, this is the same time I began the job that brought about my torment and brokenness. Also important to note that [codename] worked here as well.

In July 2020, I kept having a reoccurring thought/ knowing that I was going to get in a car accident soon "if I make the wrong decision about something". I had no idea what the decision would be, and it wasn't until God made his presence known in 2023 that I realized what it was.

After these thoughts started popping up, I got a conditional job offer to go back to the place I was seasonally hired at before. I talked about at work, assuming that I'd get the job, and there was someone who wanted to exchange numbers in anticipation of me leaving. Gave this man my phone number and 2 days later, I end up getting in a car accident on my way to Walmart.

It rained momentarily before it was time for me to go pick up my order and this was enough to knock some of the traffic lights out. We’re supposed to treat this like a stop sign, especially in an intersection, but when it was my time to go, somebody came 60 miles an hour with no intentions on stopping and T-boned me. As soon as my car stopped moving and I realized what happened, the first thing on my mind was how I KNEW this was going to happen and trying to figure out what decision I made caused this.

Lo and behold, the same man I ended up giving my number to is the same individual that ending up harassing me for the next 2 years and almost caused me to lose my job due to petty write ups. The only significance and purpose of this was to be nothing more but a distraction to stop me from addressing the issues that I had going on due to the "codename" situation.

Everything that happened within those three years was meant to break me down to where I had no choice but to recognize that I couldn't handle things on my own, as I was so used to. I always prided myself on my emotional and mental strength, and how I am usually able to bounce back from things and adapt. This experience was the first time I went through something bad and couldn't get away from it. It was the first time I had no control over the things that happened to me. Being placed in this position, I failed and broke. This showed me that my strength was never my own and even though I was the only person I could see, it was never JUST me.

The pictures are from the accident, and the email screenshot is meant to show the dates. I sent an email to a supervisor letting them know I'd be missing work until I got a rental.

Valuable Lessons: Who do YOU strive to reflect?

I don’t refer to myself as a “princess”, this is just for the sake of conversation and due to the fact that I originally ran with “Queen”.

A lot of times when “Princess Treatment” gets talked about, it is always with the perception that other people should strive to serve us. According to this mentality, we are the most important thing (in life I guess) and we deserve to be given the royal treatment. The only thing that makes us worthy of this treatment is simply because we exist and look decent enough.

Something that gets overlooked in this mentality is that if a woman is a “princess” then it means that there is someone in charge over her. Most of the time, that person is a man, a king… and in my case God. Being “princess” means that whatever privileges you have, they are not yours. They are the work of the one that came before you, and the only reason you get what you have is because of the work they did. As “princess”, you didn’t earn it, you didn’t work for it, you don’t "deserve" it, you’re just fortunate enough to have been born into it.

Just as God showed me, whatever is given can easily be taken away, and anything you’re allowed to have is of the father’s choice. Being born into privilege, it is also the responsibility of the parents to show that child how to act. In my case, my example came from Jesus Christ. Something that I learned from my Pastor is that Jesus Christ was God working in flesh.

He owns everything, he is King and Lord, yet he walked this Earth as if he was a regular person. He was not sitting in a castle on a throne looking down on everybody else. He was not acting as if he was above or better than everybody else even though he was. He was not sitting in riches eating the finest foods of the land while everybody else ate scraps of bread. Jesus Christ was not rich; he had to work and live alongside everybody else. He was better than everybody, but there is nothing about his behavior or treatment of other people that shows he acted like it.

---> God being Father, what right do we have to be "sitting in a castle, looking down on others" when he himself was not doing that?

Also, in real life... being "in charge", whether that's president or monarchy, they have a job do and that is SUPPOSED to be doing what's best for the people, not looking to serve themselves.