My purpose rests in God, not man

Making man the measurement of a woman's worth places man in a position they have no business in, and in a position that ignores God's existence. Striving for a man, all a woman has to do is be something "valuable" to that man, and again... as long as we have a vagina in between our legs, every woman has some level of value. The same thing that is perceived to be a woman's greatest glory is the very same things that are tied to destruction, chaos, ignorance, anger, regret, and disgust. While it glorifies (us), it is and has destroyed the world. The chaos that we are seeing today did not just magically appear from thin air. These people did not come out of ground from hell to wreak havoc on Earth. They all started off as somebody's child, somebodies baby and originated in the womb of women.

My whole journey was about God teaching and showing me my worth and what makes me valuable. This was the question in the beginning, and this is the question that got answered around the time I turned twenty-eight.

The trophy entry:

Originally Typed up: May 4th, 2025

When I was trying to make this into a book, I wanted a chapter to be called, “Purpose within God, not mankind”. The focus of that chapter was going to be about me being able to understand my worth through God and God alone. Because of him teaching me personally, I no longer have to ever question my worth or be insecure in the face of another woman. My worth rests within the fact that God shaped my heart to care about others and see life outside of just myself and my own household. Because of God teaching me personally, I am a person and a woman who can give aid to others in the area we need it the most. The world is hurting, we are a world full of people who’re in pain. I used to question whether or not I was good enough because under the belief that looks are one of the determining factors of worth, I wasn’t and was never going to be. I am not conceited. I am not self-absorbed. My pride never rested in my physical appearance, and my confidence was not built back up off of my body or beauty.

This is what makes me valuable.

I was also writing about how this knowledge plays a significant role in me no longer being clingy and acting crazy when it comes to a man. Whether or not I was to ever have a husband doesn’t add nor take away from what or who I am as a woman. If I was to get “clocked out” without ever having these things … (and very heavy on this)

——-> can’t not a single person say that my life was meaningless.

Only God knows what life is going to look like for me by the end of this year, the next, 10+ years down the line. I want to help people and that is the reason for me doing YouTube videos in the first place. I share my story and my God-led growth so that others can use it as motivation and belief. If I can help just 10 people get rid of some of the hatred and pain in their hearts, that is enough. It’ll be even better if that number increases throughout my life. This is my worth.

A man will be helpful. A man will be appreciated. But a man is nothing more but just a man and a responsibility that I have been given.

When I was in the healing chamber, I wrote about how valuable it is to be someone, a woman specifically, that gets her solidification from God instead of going about your day-to-day life seeking it from men or strangers on the internet. I understand this more and more now. A lot of the behavior that we see on a daily basis, and the things we see on the internet are not normal.

It seems like it because it’s what everybody is doing, but these are people who NEED outside reassurances to feel good about themselves… regardless of the lie they tell themselves. Social media offers you attention and the illusion of being liked/cared about. We all need something and the mistake that gets made is thinking that people are the answer.

God has filled me up to where I don’t need things from anybody else. I don’t need reassurance. My confidence does not depend on anything other than him. With him being my source, I am no longer exhausted by striving to find something in others because I have what I need. I’m no longer creating problems in my own life by trying to find answers in another human being. God as the source is equivalent to having your own Pacific Ocean level of water. My needs are met, my wants are met, I’m no longer thirsty because I have an endless supply of what I need. I can just float on top of the water in peace.

People as the source is equivalent to being extremely thirsty and all you have is a bottle cap as a vessel to carry your water. Not a cup, not a jug, a small bottle cap. Your thirst will never be satisfied and you’re going to constantly have to reach out to get “filled up” by that source. It’s a never-ending process that’s going to keep you thirsty and needing more because you’re being exhausted in the process.

Of all the keepsakes I have to remember the things God has done for me, my hair is usually the biggest gut punch because it is a profound reminder that nothing was wrong with me in the first place. Placing too much value on imperfect and unstable people, and not being able to let go of what needed to be because I mistook my own worth and where it rested. My hair is also a punch because it shows how I was really looking for a problem within myself thinking that it was physical, and that searching did so much damage. A beautiful and healthy head of hair that I damaged beyond repair because I wanted to change to look like others. I never needed the dye.