Sharing what's on my poster
I was originally working on a book to share the knowledge I’ve learned, but decided that we need something more available NOW. I created this poster while brainstorming some of the things I wanted to talk about. I shared some of them in a video when I was in the process of creating it, now this is a collection of the things written. These topics will all be discussed in further detail in articles.
Motivation to work on a book came from the lack of real knowledge available in “self-help” books. As talked about in “Self-Analyzing through Pain”, once I was able to see and admit the problems I had, I worked to address and fix them. Prior to God, I sought knowledge from books and things online. When I realized that I had trouble controlling my anger, I bought books centered around that. Brokenness helped me see that I had issues opening up out of fear of being hurt, so I bought books to try learning how to love. None of these helped.
- missing Mars and Venus Starting over and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus- John Gray
Searching the world looking for love and it was God the whole time
------>the big part under the bow
Something that I love about me, the experience that I went through was something that I NEVER want to experience again. I experienced a lot of pain and regret because of (that) situation, and it could've broken me more than it already had. I could've turned to another man... or more men searching to be loved and accepted (and would've resulted in countless failures). I could've turned to the streets... I could've turned to weed and alcohol to ease the pain. It is a lot of different routes that could've been taken and I am glad God was my route.
I am genuniely glad that I was able to take the necessary time to find education and knowledge so that I never end up making the same mistakes. I am glad that I was able to face my own poop and properly address my own faults rather than sweeping them under the rug. I am glad that I took the time to be better so that neither me or (whatever man I end up with) won't have to suffer. I am just proud and of course, God is the main person to thank for it.
1.) Learning the magnitude of who God is made me realize how weak we are. We're all just human beings with our own struggles. Knowing and accepting this takes away the "need" to project something that I am not: extraordinarily strong. This helped tear down some of my "walls".
- understanding who and how we are (as people) takes away the resentment we usually have towards each other and be more at peace.
Genesis 6: 5-7, when God himself said that he regretted making us and is disgusted with our behavior, we do well to remember this about ourselves and each other. Being human = flaws and none of us are exempt.
2.) Our healing does not rest in the hands of nor on the back of another person.
3.) Try to put such a great responsibility on an imperfect and flawed human being, WHEN they fail... what is going to happen to you? The only way a person can be your "rock" or your foundation is if they are 100% perfect AND can be there for you 24/7. The only person qualified and capable is God!
---> This was inspired by John Gray's book "Mars and Venus Starting over". In chapter 2, he said, "when we lose a primary source of love, we are suddenly stripped of all our defenses and forced to experience the raw pain of loss, the hurt of deprivation, and the sadness of loneliness. The problem here is that a person, people in general, were never meant to be our "primary" source of love. You make a person your "everything", when they fail, when things go bad, when this person hurts you... what happens to YOU?
- similar: it's not another person's job to make you feel loved.
4.) Getting over insecurity... women were not made to be lusted over. Lust is not genuine interest. You are not special because a man wants to get you in the bedroom. The average man wants to be able to confidently love a woman without fear of her leaving or cheating. a "whore" or a "bad b--" usually cannot provide that level of peace and security. For women, positive words like peaceful and security were given negative connotations and have been made to seem like these words mean that you got settled for and you're not what he really likes.
-- The average person wants peace in their life because where you can have peace, you can have love. Knowing that a person is not weak to temptation, can be trusted, and that we don't have to breath down their necks trying to make sure they're doing right, we can spend less time arguing and more time actually enjoying each other.
5.) "Bad b-" ... the worst thing a woman can be in God's eyes is a whore. Women are too comfortable being the lowest common denominator because the world has convinced us that being a dumpster is a good thing. Dumpster: everybody goes to it when it's time to dump their waste. We place value in numbers and how many people are around. We look at the amount of people coming to and using it instead of focusing on the actual trash and funk that is being accumulated and tossed in. Another way Satan has heavily manipulated women.
-- I've never seen anybody taking the time to clean and sanitize a dumpster. We throw our trash in it then turn our backs to it and walk away.
6.) We are often told not to be jealous, crazy, or insecure, but nobody gives real direction to help us overcome it.
7.) Being too emotionally invested without applying logic can and will have you stuck somewhere and on someone you shouldn't be.
- When you don't know what to look for, we continue to make wrong and bad decisions based upon what makes us happy today
8.) We go through life getting rejected at young ages and it continues into adulthood. Change ourselves to get accepted and the "model" is what we look to. Model= what gets the attention and sometimes what got chosen over you.
- we keep killing ourselves internally trying to hold onto what was never meant to be there.
9.) Typically, when people we care for hurt us, we say, "how could they do this to me", when in actuality it has nothing to do with you, it's them.
10.) Love is not for the approval and attention of outsiders. It is not something you need to prove to somebody else. --> social media.
11.) Separation and the pain of it taught me to see more value in a person and to think multiple times before acting on emotions, anger, jealousy, and frustration.
12.) God is the only one to TRULY rely on because he doesn't get too emotional and does not act out of character. He is 100% reliable.
- God doesn't get emotionally diluted, so when we make mistakes, his feelings don't prevent him from helping, educating, and understanding.
13. No longer "needing" love... when someone comes along, I am no longer pressuring a man to be or do anything. No longer seeking the FEELING or the ILLUSION of love. I can actually focus on getting to know someone and not seeing what they can do for me emotionally.
14.) "Bad b": can't help nobody when you are so caught up in yourself= useless. During times of disaster, your looks aren't going to comfort or help anybody. We can lose everything we own in a natural disaster; a man is not going to look at (his) woman and ignore what was lost because he is so thankful to have a beautiful woman.
15.) When we get hurt badly, want to run away and start things with a new person because it is a "fresh start". The new person may eventually hurt you ina similar or worst way than the last. You can't keep running and starting over, you can't keep destroying other's lives because you never took the time to learn how to properly handle someone else's mistakes and issues.
16.) When someone makes a mistake, typically hold it over that person's head... judge, look down on, distance ourselves, etc. and rarely offer genuine help and understanding.
17.) Bettering yourself and truly healing is a painful and a lifelong process. It is hard to look in the mirror and see the mess you are and acknowledge the mistakes you've made. It is easier to stay where you are and find someone who'll accept you as you are, validation that you are okay/ good enough.
18.) Love and life does not stop or start because of the presence of a man (or woman)!
19. What a man can't, don't or won't do is not a reflection of me as a woman.
20.) In order to truly have peace and happiness long-term, you have to smell and truly deal with your own poop. It is not easy and most times somebody has to put your face in it and make you deal with it. This is what God did.
21.) You should not be proud to be a nuisance in other's lives. --> some people take too much pride in calling themselves toxic.
-- in a world full of negativity, hatred, and confusion, you should want to be more of a safe haven than another battle in a person's life.
22.) It is easy to find somebody to do and have basic things with; sex, be cute on social, companionship, etc. Hard to find someone who'll still make sense and be a good decision 10, 20 years down the line. When life has gotten harder, once kids get involved, and when a lot of hurt has set in.
23.) Getting to know and understand the type of woman I am helped me in being able to identify what kind of man I am best compatible with. Better direction in who to invest any level of emotion into instead of getting excited and hopeful because a man is showing interest. Saves a lot of time and potential heartbreak.
24.) In the midst of me being hurt, I focused on things that didn't matter because my main focus was instant gratification. I was more concerned with having what's glorified on social media than getting to actually know said man. --> sex, dates, time together, verbal reassurance, and an emotional attachment.
25.) Unable to control my emotions and being full of insecurities didn't make me valuable back then. I would've added nothing but misery and confusion in someone's life.
26.) Knowing the real purpose of life and relationships. Love is not about sex. Kids and becoming a parent is not for a social media post. Marriage is not about having bragging rights. Being caught up in social media, too worried about the wrong things and running to have things for the wrong reasons.
27.) Mistake I made in the past... trying to be less of and diminish myself to try making the wrong man more comfortable. Broke myself down trying to find the issue.
28.) Made the mistake of being too emotionally invested in a man that I was not compatible with. Part of me wanted to hold on and another part knew that he wasn't somebody I wanted to be with, which is why 98% of the time the other foot was always "out the door". It was easy for me to develop "crushes" on others anytime they'd have something that he didn't.
29.) Good to eliminate confusion of others. Too many people talking and giving opinions, you don't know what to think or what to believe. The more voices you can eliminate the better. Gain enough knowledge to where you can think and figure things out for yourself rather than keep needing to seek others' counsel.
30.) You cannot love a person that you don't know, and a person cannot love you if the real you isn't present.
31.) I want to be able to love without losing myself because of a man's faults and mistakes. I dont want to lose myself trying to hold onto what and who shouldnt be there.
32.) Too caught up in how much "better" the world looked in comparison to my "boring" and plain self. I couldn't see anything about myself past that. How could I believe that a man cares and values me when I can't see that within myself?
-- growing up in a looks first, character second, and character optional world, who'd choose me and stay committed when it's millions of women who look better and can perform better?
33.) Learning to think instead of going strictly off of my emotions. Emotions will have you ruining and destroying something that is perfectly fine on a good day. Emotions are more about how you feel in that moment and emotions push logic out the door if you let it.
-----> A highly valuable lesson that I was taught in the way that God had no issue beating and correcting me, is that feelings do NOT matter. Having to get beat and corrected hurt. Keeping me from a lot of things I THOUGHT I wanted hurt and in the midst of that hurt, God did not stop or lighten up because I was crying.
34.) In a relationship, I don't want to be steady worrying about other women... being jealous and feeling like I need to compete [and be more "worldly"]
-- shouldn't have to go body for body
- shouldn't have to question myself around another woman
-- I shouldn't (and don't) have to yell, beg, and plead for a man to do right.
35.) Everybody does not have your best interest in mind and most people have no issue telling you a lie and potentially ruining your life. Some people mean well but end up doing more harm than good. In a relationship, more people are looking for an opportunity to draw a wedge and cause more problems.
36.) Confiding in others to complain, most of the time we don't see the whole picture (the cause and effect) and only focus on what they did or didn't do and how it made you feel. We are quick to talk about the flaws and mistakes of another person and don't always disclose our own and when this happens, proper advice cannot be given.
37.) People are usually unreliable and too unstable because we can barely understand and properly sort through our own emotions and problems, yet alone deal with someone else's.