Unlearning Worldly things

Pastor has said it a few times that we cannot truly master ourselves without understanding what God wants from us. In order to understand God, you also have to understand Satan. God has allowed me to get the knowledge required to grow as a person and understand things a lot better. With this knowledge, I am REQUIRED to unlearn everything that the world has said, and fully learn God's way of thinking.

I want to start with one of my biggest struggles in the recent past, jealousy and envy towards other women because of men. We... as women, have a profound history of weighing our worth by the amount of attention we get from men. The validation, the feeling of superiority when one is getting more attention amongst others. Some men are incredibly weak to sexual things and sex is the one, surefire way to get the attention you want and need.

In the past, when a woman would come around getting majority of the attention, I wouldn't like her out of jealousy. Next to them, I'd feel inferior and it'd cause negative feelings when I'd like a guy and he'd have his attention on someone else. Eventually I grew out of that jealousy and wanting to compare myself to another woman. I learned that male attention is now a prize and it means absolutely nothing at the end of the day.

A man being "fixated" on you is usually just lust. It's not genuine interest, it's not adoration, just lust. It is plenty of women that can turn a man on and no woman is special because she's the person who's getting that attention RIGHT NOW. He's either going to get what he wants then lose interest, or doesn't get what he wants and still lose interest. Only thing a woman usually gets is temporary satisfaction.

Slightly better understanding of me

While I constantly thought the problem of me being “overlooked” and disregarded was because of me not being good enough, I realize the problem is that I’m just not easy for a lot of people to talk to, especially men. I’m naturally very reserved and don’t carry myself as someone seeking attention or validation.

I don’t and never will value attention enough that I’ll completely disregard who someone is. Somebody giving me attention that I don’t want or ask for is not going to not make me care about who that person is. I also don’t like people thinking I’m interested when I’m not, so I’m not overly friendly outside of being cordial and basic conversation.

Similar to a prey animal, when a lion is ready to eat, they’ll go after what’s closest and easiest.